1. Slow down in bed.

2. Speed up on the toilet.

3. Buy you tampons without feeling emasculated.

4. Log your size into his memory, because what’s more depressing than trying on a wrong-size gift?

5. Get over his jealousy of any sex toy that doesn’t require his participation.

6. Before he leaves on a trip, give you a sappy card that says how much he’ll miss you. (Extra credit: makes it himself.)

7. Send you a massive bouquet of flowers at work (ideally on a Monday, so you can flaunt it all week).

8. Cook you a meal that involves more ingredients than pasta and pasta sauce.

9. Afterward, clean up the dishes.

10. Memorize this mantra: If I’m going to be late, call. If I’m going to be late, call….

11. Ask you as many questions as he answers.

12. Look you directly in the eye during all greetings, requests, declarations of love and sex.

13. Toss out the blue-and-red tartan flannel bedding he got in college and replace it with something else (i.e., thread count over 200, no poly blends).

14. Stand outside in the rain with a radio or do whatever it takes to make up after he’s been a jerk.

15. Stop harping about threesomes and anal sex and be happy with the sweet deal he already has.