Sure Fire Ways to Get Laid

Time to finish that heart to heart we were having on Sunday about how to get hot action. Now remember ladies and gents, these are guaranteed ways to get laid... so use wisely.

• Knock on their door with a blindfold and a pot of something (soup, sauce, air, whatever)... instant sex.
• Just say this: "You got a condom? Never mind, I've got this candy bar wrapper." Tada! Done deal!
• Send them the following text message: "I want you in my mouth." Let them take as they will, but yeah... you'll get them in your mouth. Delicious.
• Buy one of those witty French Connection shirts that say: "Wanna FCUK?" Because yes, let's!
• An old classic for you: "Let's go swimming in my pool, and by pool I mean bathtub, and by swimming I mean sex." Seriously? Where do I sign up for lessons!
• Sing! Sing! Sing! If it worked for Amy Adams in Enchanted, it will damn well work for you. Now shut up and sing!

This list is to be continued... but until then, go forth and try out these guaranteed get laid techniques!