You know you go to GW if...Updated on 5 November 2004
- You drank on election day by playing the Hatchet's drinking game.
-You had at least 3 friends go into a manic-depression when Bush was re-elected.
- You get housekeeping in your dorms. Money.
- Fire alarms going off bring the fire department, UPD, Metro PD, the secret service, the FBI, CIA...
- You wear your collar up because it's the only way that sorority girls will talk to you.
- You know who Manouche is, and you always ask for GW Sauce on your 2 AM hot dog although you have no clue what it is.
- Classes are cancelled for fear of flurries (or) IMF/World bank riots.
- When girls dress down they wear their abercrombie outfits.
- Georgetown sucks.
- You can't leave your dorm without seeing someone with starbucks in one hand, a cell phone in the other, a hat loosely and crooked one their head, and pastel-colored polo collar popped.
- Anything but a 3-day weekend is sub-par.
- The only thing better than spirit fingers at a basketball game - is spirit fisting.
- George W. Bush interrupts lectures when his motorcade drives by.
- You're too good for shoddy beer like Beast (Miluakee's Best) or Natty Light.
- You know what song plays every day at 12:15 PM and 6:00 PM, and you know that it's not a real bell tower but a loud speaker.
- No matter what political party you affiliate yourself with, you hate those damn La Rouche supporting fuckers in front of Philips hall that interrupt daily life. Someone needs to blow up their little shit-on-wheels car with loudspeakers, please.
- You've hooked up with someone in the second most sexually active dorm in the country.
- You speak of the engineering majors as "those people."
- 40% of your peers don't eat pork.
- You wear North Face, but you don't know why the brand is named North Face. (FYI - the worst weather is on the north face of most mountains)
- Your daddy pays for your tuition and your BMW or Lexus.
- You can recognize Burberry from a mile away - and know if its genuine or not.
- You've been drunk at the Lincoln monument at 2 AM at least twice this semester.
- You're a liberal that a damn opinion about everything, even if you really don't know or don't care. Wait, that's not just GW, that's the USA.
- Georgetown sucks.
- The housing situation you're in is totally inadequate for your needs even though you have your own bathroom, a full kitchen, and a living room, and it's the nicest thing you'll live in for the next 10 years of your life.
- You admire the bravery of the Air Force ROTC kids because Afro-TC is near Florida Avenue.
- The University's President bought a bronze cast hippopotamus while drunk, and it's now a monument in world's most powerful city.
- The biggest gathering ever of students on campus was a riot on H street after the Sox won the World Series.
- Delt leaving the University was like a perpetual Saturday night vacancy in your schedule, until Lambda Chi bought the house and started up the parties again. Too bad people still call it Delt Late-Nite.
- The Nixon scandals were observed from your dorm.
- People actually care about Student Association elections at your school.
- The University Police Department becomes Big Brother on the weekends.
- You've studied for finals at any of the national monuments.
- There's no alcohol or drug problem at your school. They're both very easy to come by.
- Your mascots suck. A Colonial? A Hippo? Sedate me...
- You know people who have never seen cows, or are afraid of the outdoors in general.
- James Carville has passed you on the way to class.
- A hurricane cancels two days of classes, so you break out the football, sunblock, and beer and head outside.
- 90% of the idiots here don't have to try in school, because they're not technical majors.
- John Ashcroft is rushed to GW's hospital because Georgetown's isn't secular.
- You love when spring rolls around because the girls immediately sport their expensive flashy clothing, but you also realize that many of them never went to Hel-Wel during the winter months.
- The sports team you're on does workouts on the exorcist stairs.
- Your college is the only one where liberal protestors disrespect ROTC students - they don't realize that these are the same people that will one day be defending to their death your right to protest. (I had to make the point.)
- If you're from West of the Mississippi, you're considered "West Coast" even if your state is nowhere near the Pacific.
- You have at least 3 people on your buddy list whose screen names end in 2020 or 2024 because it'll be the year they can finally run for President.
- You get angry when Marine 1 flies overhead and interrupts your daily siesta.
- You've been called by friends asking if protestors in town can crash at your place.
- You discover and celebrate Jewish holidays you never knew existed, whether you're Jewish or not.
- Any close family friend or relative has introduced you as a "Georgetown student."
- You've made a bet on either the Iowa caucus or New Hampshire primary.
- Did I mention that Georgetown sucks?
- You have a puddle outside of your dorm that ends up as a lake by the end of the semester.
- You've seen "Old Man Schenley" sunbathing while wearing only a cycling cap and short-shorts (he's actually former US Olympic Cyclist Joe Bieber).
- The former head of CIA told you that you're brave for attending your school because you'd be "totally screwed" if terrorists ever bring in a suitcase nuke.
- You've finished a six-pack on the metro.
- Freshman Orientation has a "beware of the Metro's Green Line" seminar.
- You go to the same barber as Ben Stein, and you've seen Bob Dole buy Viagra at the Watergate CVS.
- A primary concern when picking dorms is which monument you can see out your windows.
- People you know have missed flights because they didn't know DC had 3 airports, and none are actually in DC.
- The student center at your school has the only bowling alley in the city, aside from the White House.
- Your school has its own Department of Homeland Security and Color-coded alert system.
- You've gone trick-or-treating at the embassies.
- A girl you know is totally heartbroken because she found out her boy crush is gay.
- H Street is just one huge crosswalk to you.
- You brag that you ran to another state and back for a workout, even though it's less than a mile away.
- You have no clue if DC is in the North or the South.
- Colonial Inaguration is to Freshman Orientation as Community Facilitator is to Resident Advisor.
- Your school owns the land the World Bank sits on.
- City Hall - rated the 4th nicest dorm in the country - is your backup choice for housing next semester.
- Your school colors are based on the Continental Army.
- The acronyms "JAP" and "WASP" will forever be written in your vocabulary.
- You've run into friends while working at your internship, either at the White House or in Congress.
- You've had Foggy Bottom Ale, and you know that it is not brewed in D.C.
- People talk about going to their 8AM class at Mount Vernon like mountain climbers talk about going up Everest.
- You've paused a DVD to catch a glimpse of your dorm. (Forest Gump, Enemy of the State, etc.)
- The State of the Union is an excuse to play drinking games.
- There are 34 Starbucks within 2 miles of campus and 62 within 5 miles. (I was told this is true, but I can't back it up...)
- You have a friend that bought on iPod on their meal plan.
- The great idea you had to study on Gelman's 6th floor couches didn't help productivity when you woke up 4 hours later.
- As a freshman you have 5 roommates, but you still don't mind paying $40,000 a year to live in a bunked bed.
- TGIF's - Where Friday will come around, but you're still waiting for your food.
- Every park bench and trash can has a written reminder of which university you're at.
- You have the second most frequented Starbucks in the country.
- Getting drunk at school doesn't result in fist fights, rather, political debates.
- You've ever been walking on the Quad at night and get whacked by a frisbee.
- You applied to Georgetown, but just had a bad interview.
- You applied to American, were offered scholarsips, begged to go there, and still turned them down for GW.
- You've ever urinated on a National Monument or other U.S. Government property.
- Seeing a gorilla at a basketball game doesn't scare you.
- You know that Pops is not just a cereal.
- Only engineering majors get free printing, though they never have to write papers.
- The bum outside of Foggy Bottom Grocery could definitely do a convincing rendition of a Barry White record.
- Girls shower and put on make up before going to the gym.
- Hanging out with freshman during the summer is considered the best job on campus.
- The grocery store is still known as "provisions."
- More of the students at your school have been to Israel than to California.
- There's a waiting list and a line to use a treadmill at the gym, but the treadmill never breaks a "light jog."
- You know it's time to leave for class when there's a red light on 23rd street.
- The girls wear [ugly] sunglasses in the rain and [arctic] boots in the summer.
- You can differentiate between GW preppy kids from asshole G-town preppy kids, even though they're wearing the same shade of pink.
- You thought excessive drinking made your stomach hurt, but it turns out it was actually the Pizza Italia.
- Your school builds a 700+ person dorm next to - and 8 stories above - an old man's townhouse, but HE'S the asshole.
- Snow make-up days: where ever monday is a wednesday, every tuesday is a monday, and all you want to know is when to stop studying and start drinking.
- Even though CNN's Crossfire is filmed on campus, Jon Stewart is still the #1 source for honest reporting.
- You consciously avoid hooking up with kids from Thurston's 4th and 6th's floors because of the Gonorrhea outbreak, but the 5th floor is fair game and the girls on 8 are super-hot.
- Aramark could only wish to be the little engine that could.
- You snicker when you're reminded that DuPont Circle was named after a Rear Admiral.
- Some schools have homecoming. We just have Inaugural day - a party so big it only happens every 4 years.
- GW's unpaid student interns are the largest source of slave labor still in the U.S.
- Commencement is on the White House's back yard, bitches.
- Tom Ridge convinced your mom to send you duct tape and plastic sheeting as a care-package.
- You never watched the show K Street, you just went to work.
- You make everyone call it THE George Washington University
- A few years down the road, New Hall will become "SJT Hall."
- You know they exist, but you've never actually seen a GW Law Student.
- Girls wear those ugly, pastel colored, velvet pajama pants - and no matter how hot the girl is - it makes her ass look gross.
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