Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Sure Fire Ways to Get Laid

Time to finish that heart to heart we were having on Sunday about how to get hot action. Now remember ladies and gents, these are guaranteed ways to get laid... so use wisely.
  • Knock on their door with a blindfold and a pot of something (soup, sauce, air, whatever)... instant sex.
  • Just say this: "You got a condom? Never mind, I've got this candy bar wrapper." Tada! Done deal!
  • Send them the following text message: "I want you in my mouth." Let them take as they will, but yeah... you'll get them in your mouth. Delicious.
  • Buy one of those witty French Connection shirts that say: "Wanna FCUK?" Because yes, let's!
  • An old classic for you: "Let's go swimming in my pool, and by pool I mean bathtub, and by swimming I mean sex." Seriously? Where do I sign up for lessons!
  • Sing! Sing! Sing! If it worked for Amy Adams in Enchanted, it will damn well work for you. Now shut up and sing!
This list is to be continued... but until then, go forth and try out these guaranteed get laid techniques!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Great Chez Copa Challenge

Forget the bucket list, death is too far away for us. But we're not getting any younger and there's still a lot for us to do. Below is a list of 30 things to do before you're 30... and whether we choose to keep this list or invent our own, I think we have to do it. Note: this list is from MSN UK and so it may seem a bit British... but that's just because it is.
  1. Go traveling - Trust us, the minute you get settled into a career the likelihood of being able to take off a considerable amount of time to go travelling diminishes rapidly. After university, before starting a new job, take the chance while you’ve got it – you’ll regret it if you don’t…
  2. Get something published - Be it in your school paper, local rag, the national press or as the winner of a short story competition, there is nothing quite like seeing your name in print. But don’t think you have to be up for the Booker prize to get yourself published. If you are about as literate as a 13-year-old with a 3000 a day text message habit, try going online and becoming a ‘citizen journalist’ by contributing to something like the Guardian’s brilliant live sport coverage, or by posting one of your photos on the web.
  3. Watch these films - If you want to avoid being left out of every drunken discussion just before last orders are called, then the following films are required viewing: Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction, Scarface, The Star Wars Trilogy (don't bother with the new ones), Godfather parts I and II, Psycho, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Trainspotting, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Top Gun, American Pie, Gladiator, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Blade Runner, Kill Bill 1 & 2, City of God, The Deer Hunter, Se7en, Fight Club, Back to the Future, Alien and Aliens, Jaws, This Is Spinal Tap, Die Hard, Life of Brian, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Ferris Beuller's Day Off, Life is Beautiful, The Breakfast Club, Grosse Pointe Blank, Stand By Me, Chinatown, The Great Escape, The Outsiders, and Tango and Cash. Well, maybe not the last one.
  4. Live in London - Not everyone thinks moving to the capital is for them, but few people regret it when they do. A great place to establish yourself in your chosen career and get some fantastic life experience, London is a truly great city with some of the best sights and nightlife in the world. It’s also great for watching live sport, eating great food and shopping. And remember, when you finally move away, everywhere else will seem like a quiet, stress-free, inexpensive Utopia.
  5. Learn a second language - While your average Bulgarian street-sweeper seems to be able to speak about six or seven languages, we Brits are pretty poor when it comes to learning to speak in a foreign tongue. In fact, many of us can barely speak English. Knuckling down at school and in your twenties can give you a massive advantage in life, especially if it’s an in demand language such as Chinese or Arabic.
  6. Run a marathon - Running 26.2 miles might seem like hell to some people, but trust us, once you get started, it soon becomes addictive. Plus it will get you in shape and sort your diet out. Approach with caution and always consult your GP before starting a new exercise programme, but once you commit yourself we guarantee your life will never be the same again.
  7. Drive the Pacific Coast Highway - We realize that this could have been filed under ‘go traveling’, but three of us here at MSN UK will be heading to California to do this in the coming months (not together, we don’t like each other that much) and we like to brag…
  8. Have sex - This sounds like a given, but according to statistics around 7% of 30-year-old men and women are still virgins. And it's nothing to be ashamed of - you might be saving yourself for the love of your life. But really, you don't know what you're missing out on…
  9. Go to a music festival - Going without a bath and sitting around in the mud for three days isn't everyone's cup of tea, but you won't know until you've tried it, will you? Here in the UK we're spoilt for choice when it comes to worthy festivals; Glastonbury, Reading, Leeds and T in the Park is just the tip of the iceberg.
  10. Try different foods - You might not like the look of foods such as oysters, snails and cuttlefish, but there is a reason they are so highly valued. You never know, you might just enjoy them.
  11. Get on the property ladder - Easier said than done, we know, but it's a buyer's market at the moment and more and more of us will come to rely on bricks and mortar to replace something that we’ve heard older people call ‘pensions’. Nope, we’d never heard of it either…
  12. Test yourself - Skydiving, abseiling, bungee jumping - never in a million years, you might think, but there are few better things for you than stepping out of your comfort zone and standing up to your fears. So whatever it is you think you can't do, we promise you'll feel proud of yourself after you've done it…
  13. Visit Paris - The most romantic city in the world? Go find out for yourself.
  14. Blow $500 in one night - Don't make a habit of it, and never spend more than you can afford, but if you do have the readies, then there are few better feelings than going out with a huge wad of notes in your pocket and knowing you are going to spend all of it.
  15. Get a savings account... and use it - Not the most exciting bit of advice you'll ever get, we know, but setting up a savings account and drip-feeding some of your wages into it every month is the best way to save for holidays, your first car, or that $500 night out…
  16. Do something for charity - Whether it is running a marathon, attending an event like Live Earth or sitting in a bath of baked beans, we can all do more for charity. Just pick your cause, and off you go.
  17. Get yourself on TV - Andy Warhol said we'd all get 15 minutes of fame, but for most of us 15 seconds would do. Swinging your arms around at Glasto like a maniac, sitting in a studio audience or getting accidentally papped, where will you get yours?
  18. Eat at a Michelin starred restaurant - Britain is no longer the laughing stock of Europe when it comes to top-quality restaurants, so there's no excuse for still thinking of Pizza Hut as 'fine dining'. There are now more Michelin starred restaurants in the UK than you can shake a carving knife at, so get going. Incidentally, I haven’t eaten at one yet so if anyone wants to take pity on an impoverished journo like me…
  19. Quit your job - Just stick with us, this really is going somewhere. You know how we said you would only have one chance to take off traveling? Well, we lied. If you're fed up with your job, or just want a change, the solution isn't just going to just hit you on the nose. Take off for a while and get your thoughts together, you might even find inspiration along the way.
  20. Go to a live sporting event - Why wait until the Olympics come to the UK in 2012? Even if you are not into sport, going to watch a major event such as Wimbledon, the Six Nations rugby or the FA Cup Final is an experience in itself. So what are you waiting for?
  21. Have a weekend in New York - With your friends, family, or other half, there is no better experience than watching the world go by in the Big Apple and feeling like you are in every film you have ever seen.
  22. Read these books - You may need 30 years to read them all, but try and make your way as through as many of these as possible: The Catcher in the Rye, 1984, Romeo and Juliet, the Harry Potter series, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, To Kill a Mockingbird, Brave New World, On the Road, Catch 22, Trainspotting, The Wasp Factory, Lord of the Flies, Fahrenheit 451, Animal Farm, Of Mice and Men, Great Expectations, Tess of the D’Urbevilles, Treasure Island, The Beach, Cloud Atlas, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ulysses, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, Life of Pi, The Shining, The Handmaid’s Tale, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The Shining, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, A Suitable Boy and many, many more.
  23. Own a convertible - Before the inevitable sensible motor with the kids' car seat comes along, invest in something with a bit of street-cred and enjoy your freedom while it lasts. Which isn't long.
  24. Buy something really expensive - When was the last time you really treated yourself? So long as you can absorb the damage, go crazy and spend at least one month's wages on something you really, really want.
  25. Buy wine worth more than $50 - At some point you are going to have to graduate from drinking cheap plonk to actual alcohol. And even though you don't have to spend that much to get a good bottle, it's nice to find out what a really good wine tastes like. And when it's as expensive as this, you are unlikely to buy too much of it…
  26. Sign up to Facebook - It's the social networking site that is spreading like wildfire and chances are you are already a member. If not, then Facebook and other sites like it are a great way to catch up with friends you thought you had lost touch with. Unless you hate them all or are on the run, in which case you could start a blog instead (under a false name, of course).
  27. Record your family history - Your parents and especially your grandparents are a unique link to the past, so find out all you can from them and write it all down - there will come a point in life when you want to find out where your family came from and what they did while they were here.
  28. Sign Karaoke - Singing is a great stress-reliever, regardless of how good your voice is. Singing karaoke is a great way to boost your confidence, just as long as you remember that most people will be as tone deaf as you are.
  29. Have a complete health check - You don't have to be old to get a serious illness, and investing in a full body MOT could save your long-term health or even your life. You may, for example, be one of the one million Brits with undiagnosed diabetes or be harbouring a condition that will cause you major problems in later life.
  30. Climb a mountain - There is no reason to stop at 30, of course, but climbing a mountain (taking all the necessary precautions along the way) is one of the best ways to see some of the world's greatest sights. And when we say mountain, we don't mean 'hill', so a gentle stroll up 300 feet doesn't count…
*Keep in mind that this list is from MSN UK and so for #4 and #21, we might just want to switch cities... or keep it the same, whichever floats your boat.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

For Jen: Doctor's Advice

I saw this and immediately thought of Jen... I couldn't help myself.

Advice Given by the Witch Doctor



Sunday, June 15, 2008

Nothing Good Ever Happens After Midnight

As the old adage goes, nothing good ever happens after midnight... and last night was no exception.  You might have heard through the grapevine that when I arrived home yesterday evening (or this morning, however you want to call it) I discovered that I was sans apartment keys.  This obviously did not make Katie happy... and the gentleman at the front desk (yes, that same one who greeted me when I arrived home at 6am on Saturday) did not have access to the master key to let me in.  Oh boy, is right... I couldn't be let into my apartment until 7am.  As much as I appreciated the offer from Lindsey to sleep over, I was just too yuckied out to do that.  So what does Katie do?  Yeah, she breaks in.  It scares me how easy that was... but hey, I got in!

Anyway, just don't forget that NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS AFTER MIDNIGHT!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Only the Best On Craigslist...

to the guy doing my wife

To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.
  1. Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.
  2. You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit(god knows
  3. I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.  If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.
  4. Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son belives if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recomend a better spot?
  5. After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty(thanks).
  6. Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not mentally challenged.
  7. Please stop turning the heat up, You pay nothing and MUD is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.
  8. When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.
  9. Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.
  10. Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.
Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only orded one meal.I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.

P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days, I have abottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

When Good Makeup Goes Bad

Have Your Beauty Products Gone Bad?

Safeguard your looks with our what-and-when-to-toss guide

By Jessica B. Matlin
Good Housekeeping, May 2008

Do a quick check of any woman’s bathroom, and chances are you’ll find jars of rarely used face cream, the dregs of a favorite powder blush, and at least one tube of lip gloss squeezed within an inch of its life. Whether unused, or consumed to the last drop, squeeze, or swipe, these cosmetics are taking up shelf (and makeup-bag) space because we want to get every penny out of the precious dollars we spent on them. But this hoarding habit has a catch: Beauty products do go bad. At best, they stop performing as well as they used to; at worst, they can cause irritations or infections.

“Unopened, well-formulated cosmetics can remain stable for a couple of years at room temperature,” says Ni’Kita Wilson, a cosmetic chemist at Cosmetech Laboratories in Fairfield, NJ. “But the clock starts once you bring a product home and open it. When air hits the formula, certain ingredients start to oxidize and degrade.” What’s more, every time you touch your makeup or skin-care lotions and potions, you transfer germs to them — and, subsequently, to your face. Heat and humidity, which promote the growth of mold and yeast, are factors, too. That’s one reason the bathroom, though convenient, isn’t the ideal spot to store cosmetics. (High levels of airborne bacteria can contaminate beauty products, too.) A better place: a cool, dry linen closet.

Beyond the obvious signs — dried mascara or separated foundation — it can be tough to tell when something’s past its prime. (U.S. labeling regulations don’t require an expiration date on most cosmetics.) So read on for easy, expert, beauty-protecting tips on when to throw away what.


Face Makeup

Toss-it time: Six months for liquids; two years for powders
Insider info: You increase the odds of bacterial growth — and, hence, of breakouts or irritation — when you repeatedly dip your brushes and fingers into liquid foundation. Also, as it ages, foundation can go on unevenly, creating a streaky, inconsistent finish. “Oils rise to the top, and the consistency thickens,” explains New York City makeup artist Mathew Nigara. Powders present less of a problem because bacteria can’t grow where there’s no water. However, over time, powders with botanical ingredients like aloe or jojoba can become harder to blend and are more likely to crumble, as their trace amounts of water evaporate.


Mascara

Toss-it time: Three months
Insider info: “A mascara tube is a dark, wet environment — the perfect breeding ground for bacteria,” says New York City optometrist Andrea Thau, O.D. “Preservatives in a mascara only work for so long.” Dr. Thau knows from firsthand experience: She once developed a sty from a makeup artist’s mascara wand. Plus, three-month-old mascara is a nonperformer. “It’s chalky and powdery, and any lengthening or thickening fibers often separate from the fluid, so the mascara stops going on in a smooth, even coat,” says makeup artist Cristina Bartolucci. To avoid hastening the demise of your mascara, never pump the wand — that pushes air into the tube, causing it to dry out faster. Instead, slowly draw out and twist the brush to scrape the tube’s interior and pick up product.


Eyeliner and Eye Shadow

Toss-it time: Liquid eyeliners, three months; cream eye shadows, six months; pencil eyeliners and powder eye shadows, two years
Insider info: As they do with mascara, bacteria tend to flourish in liquid-eyeliner tubes, and the product dries out. Pencil eyeliners have a longer shelf life because you can create a fresh, clean surface each time you sharpen them. (Just be sure to regularly sanitize your sharpener with rubbing alcohol.) Powder shadows, like pressed powders, are less prone to contamination because they, too, lack water (if you wet them, toss after six months). But aging eye shadows have performance issues: They get packed down, making it harder to pick up pigment with your brush, says Bartolucci.


Lipstick and Lipliner

Toss-it time: Lipstick and gloss, two years; lipliner, two years or more
Insider info: Lipsticks’ water content makes them potential mini reservoirs of bacteria. No surprise, they also dry out with age, says New York City makeup artist Tina Turnbow: “They no longer look creamy on the lips.” Long-wearing formulas may have an even shorter life span since they often contain ingredients that evaporate more quickly than creamier formulas. Pencil lipliners, like eyeliners, may last a little longer since putting them through a sharpener removes the old surface.

Nail Polish

Toss-It Time: One to two years
Insider info: When polish expires, the consistency turns gooey or stringy, says Ji Baek, owner of Rescue Beauty Lounge in New York City. Formulas are especially sensitive to temperature extremes and humidity, so avoid storing in the bathroom.


Skin Care

Toss-it time: Acne creams and other over-the-counter products that contain drugs are FDA regulated and usually carry expiration dates. But cosmeceuticals (products claiming to have anti-aging and skin-changing benefits) are not regulated, and once they’ve been used, they shouldn’t be kept for more than six months — or, if they’re in pump bottles, a year — says Wilson.
Insider info: “Some ingredients [such as vitamin C, retinol, and hydroquinone] degrade even more rapidly if they’re left in direct sunlight or exposed to air,” says Tina Alster, M.D., a Washington, D.C., dermatologist. Less frequently — but more alarmingly — certain products can actually become more potent over time, says Boston dermatologist Ranella Hirsch, M.D. The reason: Active ingredients like retinol and glycolic acid become more concentrated as their bases degrade, separate, or evaporate. And when proportions change, your skin may get irritated. To prevent problems, store cosmetics properly, discontinue use after six months, and look for products that come in a pump, which helps keep air out. Another option that’s starting to hit shelves: special jars that dispense creams through a tiny hole or slit when you press the top (an internal “floor” rises with each push).


Sunscreen

Toss-it time: Six months
Insider info: Sunscreens are FDA regulated, and though they usually have expiration dates of at least one year, that date indicates the purchasing time frame, says Wilson: “When you open a tube, water may start evaporating, causing the formula to eventually become unstable. Once that happens, the ingredients are no longer evenly distributed, so you may get a lot in one dose, but nearly none in another.” Protect your tube by storing it out of the sun.


Hair Products

Toss-it time: One year
Insider info: Always close the caps of shampoos, conditioners, and styling products tightly. Otherwise, water and air can get in, breaking down the formulas or causing them to separate. (Good news for hairspray users: Aerosol cans are the best product protectors going, so sprays should stay good even longer.)


Fragrance

Toss-it time: Two years — or potentially many more
Insider info: “Eau de toilettes and perfumes can last for several years, as long as they’re kept out of humidity and sunlight,” says Robert Gerstener, co-owner of Aedes de Venustas, a New York City fragrance emporium. “Both of these elements can alter notes in a fragrance, which will then change the overall scent.”


Simple Stay-Fresh Secrets

  1. Wash and dry your hands thoroughly before putting your fingers into a product.
  2. Avoid reinfection. Stop using all eye makeup if you have an eye infection and lip products if you have a cold sore. The exceptions: lipsticks, lipliners, and eye pencils, which can be shaved clean with a knife or sharpener. (Just cleaning with a tissue won’t suffice.)
  3. Smell your mascara when you first purchase it. If you recognize that scent, you’ll know when it goes bad: Expired mascara often takes on a funny, chemical odor.
  4. Choose a cotton-tipped swab or disposable sponge to apply makeup to a pimple — and avoid double-dipping. Going back and forth from the product to the affected area with your finger or a sponge can lead to contamination.
  5. Try Timestrips ($14.50 for 50, timestriponline.com), stickers that “remember” when a product was first opened and alert you when it’s no longer wise to use it.

What About Natural Products?

For starters, they may have an extra-short shelf life, according to the FDA, because their botanical ingredients may be susceptible to microbial growth. (Think pure extract, oil, pulp, rind, or bark of plants, fruits, trees, or leaves.) What’s more, though natural preservatives like essential oils of cinnamon, orange, rosemary, and thyme can be potent, when used at low levels they may not be as strong as synthetics, says Wilson. An added problem for consumers: There’s no way to know how “natural” a product is, since the term is undefined and unregulated.

If you’re a natural fan, consider contacting the manufacturer about specific cosmetics. “Most reputable companies put their products — ‘all natural’ or not — through a microbial challenge,” says Wilson. Request the test results. (If the customer-service rep doesn’t supply them, ask to speak to the technical team.)


Your When-to-Toss-It Timeline

Every season: Toss your mascara and liquid liner
Every six months: Toss your skin-care regimen, sunscreens, and liquid foundation
Every year: Toss your hair products (except hairspray)
Every two years: Toss your powder-based cosmetics (such as pressed powder and shadows), lipsticks, and nail polishes

Find this article at: http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/expired-beauty-products